What you seek is freedom

Free, not like the wind

but like sound

Escaping

through the windows

of a monotonous lecture

or through the gaps

of the ancient wooden academia doors

leaving echoes

in its trail

is sound

Reverberating

against the same

white walls I flee

but I cannot

find my escape…

Suddenly

I hear

the escape is within

Debatable State of Mind

“Perfectly Confused at the moment” .

How can one be perfectly confused? Even if one is perfectly confused, how does that last only for a moment. When I’m confused about something I take hours to figure out the source of my confusion to start with and then I sit and ponder over it until something distracts me, leaving the source of my problem not thoroughly pondered over, thereby increasing my confusion the next time the problem is approached or slammed into my face because I know I thought about it but I’m not sure where I’m at with the problem so basically I’ve just got to start from square one. And it’s not like I’m confused about just one thing. It’s more like I’m confused about one thing that leads to ten other different things.

In that rare moment where I do realize that one thought leads to ten other thoughts, I don’t try to go back to the initial thought, no, no, Β I just sit there and be philosophical about the workings of the human brain. It’s hard enough being an indecisive person and then there’s this.

The Brain Works

Disclaimer- This is literally how my thoughts shift from one topic to the other. This has no coherent flow so just go with it.

There is no moral to this stream of thought as this is what I used to do in school when I felt a little out of step πŸ˜›

#braceyourself

I want to be a nerd, but I don’t want to necessarily study for that. I mean you don’t need to study to be a nerd right? You just need to read loads of books, and BAM! You are a nerd my son πŸ˜€ Congratulations, you are officially smarter than the rest of the world (which in my case consists of only humans, since animals, as I believe, have knowledge far beyond our human grasp).

But being a nerd satisfies about only one person, that is the nerd himself. Its like the nerd law or something. Unless you find a compatible nerd to go along with you. But those chances are like really slim, like slimmer than size zero. (Zero is not a size.)

Speaking of numbers, here’s the epiphany I had in math class one time – I believe that if humans are racist then numbers are racist too, except here the numbers discriminate based on the value the other numbers hold. So in the number world the worst thing you could be is the number zero. That’s what seven said. Just kidding, numbers don’t talk. But as my awesome friend kindly pointed out the genius fact that if numbers did talk, we wouldn’t be having so many problems with math as a subject :O

The numbers would figure it all out themselves!!! Man that’s an awesome dream to have for a kid like me.

And speaking of Racism, racially I feel very pressurized to be good at math. Actually, not at all, but just think, an Indian kid who doesn’t do math, who hates it, who can’t actually use his brain to decide which alphabet hates which number and the mass of the sun at the same time. He’s surrounded by these American kids lets say and they all are getting it and he’s sitting there being like what?

Now picture the same situation in which, the Indian kid is surrounded by Indian kids in India, and his teacher goes like, “Child, you born in this country and you can’t do math? What’s wrong with you ?”

Not saying that this actually happens but I hope you’re getting the gist. I really am mentally exhausted from pretending to actually be smart. I personally think it’s a talent that only true show offs possess πŸ˜€ Or really good impersonators !

The unwritten story..

I believe I have a story in me. I’m not sure how long it will be, how inspiring, what age group it will appeal to, but I know I have a story in me. Ever since I’ve seen this movie called “Into the Wild” I’ve been insanely inspired to just get out of the daily occidental non-sense that’s been plaguing our society for decades and just be in the moment with my own thoughts. Now would not be the time to just leave as I have to fulfill the obligation, that is education. Quitting college is not an option. You go to college, get a degree, work for a year, and then work on your post graduation. And then you again work for a few years until one fine evening your parents sit you down and have theΒ  “It’s time to get married now ” talk with you. I can see this happening to me in say the next eight years. The whole thing. And I’m not against getting married, but I need to have this gap, before marriage and job and further education. Where I save up some money and just go back packing across countries I’ve never even heard of.

Now in the movie, “Into the Wild” he leave his house to make a point, to find solitude in nature, to be with himself and to find himself in the arms of Nature’s most basic form and to understand what he is like, right there in that moment. If I did that, I probably wouldn’t survive for more than three days. But if I can’t go like he did, I’ll find another way. Just working hard and being in the company of a selected few yet finding myself amidst the total chaos of the human ocean of people, yet finding comfort in knowing that I’ll be okay even if I’m on my own. And no plans. Absolutely no plans. JUST LIVING.

There’s no point in me planning when I’ll be going on this soul searching trip. I think I’ll be able to sight the opportunity once it surfaces. And when I do, I think I’ll find my story then…

Until then πŸ™‚

The Day of Valentine

I see the clear blue sky

It begs me to leave my chores and frolic outside.

It’s windy too! The melodious kind

It whisks you off your feet

with an anonymous rhyme

The trees I see

I see them sway

Perfectly in time

to a song unknown, unheard

by mankind.

I’ve been told several times

LOVE is in the air, that’s why.

Well, I’m not sure why I noticed today’s weather

when yesterday’s was just as fine.

I give not credit to old St. Valentine

But to Nature

for being so very sublime.